MY STORY WITH GRIEF
Over the last twelve years I have experienced the loss of two of the most important men in my life. I’ve felt the agony of watching my father suffer through cancer and had my life shattered in two when my husband suddenly died from a heart attack. Loss can be expected or it can be sudden. Both are tragic and, unfortunately, I’ve experienced both.
My father was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer in June 2011, despite never smoking a day in his life. My family and I were in shock and set out to find a cure. I experienced the roller coaster of emotions during the various cancer treatments: the hope for remission as well as the realities on the limitations of modern medicine. I supported my Mom as she watched the love of her life deteriorate, which felt like overnight from a strong, athletic man to a shell of that man. Ultimately, time and treatments ran out and we offered our love and support to my Dad to allow him to pass peacefully. We sat vigil next to his bed for 3 days until he took his last breath, only 8 months after his diagnosis. Our family was shattered. Although the grieving had begun weeks and months before my Dad died, the journey to acceptance and thriving again took longer.
|
My husband was a strong minded and bodied man. At 50 years old he was an active hiker, mountain biker and snowboarder with a mostly healthy diet. So, nothing could prepare me for June 27, 2022, when I found him face down in our front yard while doing yard work. Despite my best efforts and the efforts of paramedics, he did not survive a massive heart attack. I was in shock. We had just moved to a new town, only closing on our brand-new house 6 weeks before. I spent the first month in shock and denial. I was surrounded every day during this time by an amazing army of friends who took care of me, my dogs, my house and planning the memorial. After the memorial, I went back to work, ill equipped to navigate the real world again. I was sad, lonely, and so angry. In fact, I was full of rage. Working through this stage of my grief was the most difficult time in my life, but I found resiliency and learned to live with my grief and found hope and joy again.
|